Emily has Hodgkin’s

So good news, I am officially in remission. Its not something I ever thought I would be saying, even when I was on treatment… not that I didn’t think I was going to get rid of the cancer, more that I never thought it would end! But it finally has. I guess you could say I am (in) the light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. 

I was thinking about the word remission and its kind of weird if you break it down because ‘re’ generally means again. Like readdress or reevaluate. To do something again, alternatively. And ‘mission’ is like a journey or goal. So if you think about it, remission kind of means a new, alternative, second chance at a journey or goal – in this case, life…  I don’t really know if thats where it came from, but I guess you could say thats how I relate to it 🙂

And I will take it. I am ending one journey and beginning another. Very happy  to be where I am. I could not have done it without all of the incredible support I got from all of my family and friends! I owe you all so much! Too bad I can’t clone Lola and send her out as thank you gifts… haha just kidding. But really thank you all so much, everyone did their part in their own unique way. I think this might be my last post, thank you all for reading my little online journal and keeping track of me throughout this life-changing experience.

So I just got home from my last chemo! Yessss I am sooo happy!

I am back up at school now, I can tell you how nice it is to be back! I just moved into my studio a few days ago and I absolutely love it! My dad drove me up with a trailer – which I have no idea how we fit all of my stuff in it – and my godmom Marisa met me in SB and spent the last three days helping me get set up. The studio is super cute, I have a really nice view of the mountains and my own terrace.

Today was my first day of school, it was fun to be back on campus, UCSB is such a great place to go to school.

I am really happy also because I feel pretty good, just a little tired and a little nauseous. Overall thought, I feel good. I am so happy I came up here and am going back to school and starting up my life again, even though I am not quite done with chemo. I still can’t really believe all of this happened to me… But I am almost done with chemo, only one more and then sayonara chemo!

p.s. sorry I have not written lately, I have been really busy, but I will write again really soon!

Last night I decided I am going to go back to Santa Barbara for winter quarter which starts January 5th. My last chemo date is the 9th so that means I will be over lapping for a few weeks, but I think it is totally doable. I just cant stand the thought of sitting around doing absolutely nothing for three more months. Actually that sounds kind of nice, but really I am ready to move on with my life so I am going to jump start a little bit. I mean why not? I feel pretty good considering, and I would love to graduate someday in the near future. And I have to admit, I am kind of a nerd. So basically thats all I have been thinking about the last 24 hours because I have no life. I figured it all out. I am only going to take tuesday/thursday classes so that I have mondays and fridays available for my last chemo and the doc appointments I will have to go home for. And I am only going to take three classes, even though there are like five I really want to take. So thats all good, I’m super excited. 

The most bizarre thing has been happening lately, its actually been kind of annoying… The smell of paper makes me nauseous. Like any computer paper or white paper, lined paper, anything – it smells like chemo and totally makes me nauseous. I think if I told my teachers that they would laugh at me, its like the old ‘the dog ate my homework’ ya umm paper makes me sick… haha. Well actually Lola loves to eat my homework, especially biology. No joke. But the paper thing, I think it might be because there are probably tons of chemicals in paper and I am probably really sensitive to them. 

Well other than that things are really good with me! Hope all is well with whoever is reading this… I think my ‘readership’ has declined… I’ll have to start advertising. I am kind of embarrassed to admit, but I am thinking (daydreaming really) about starting a dog blog called puppyality.com and it would have all these different sections, like links to good online stores for dogs, advice on puppy stuff, pictures, and of course the feature of the site, lolas diary, and maybe I could have some sponsors and do giveaways… Like I said, its a daydream because if I did that, it would be way to weird and dog-freak of me…

Has anyone ever used Pandora? It’s soo cool. Check it out. 

Friday January 9th. I think that is my last chemo date… I really hope so! I was thinking I should take winter quarter off to ‘recoup’ after all the chemo and stuff, but now I am thinking maybe I should take some classes… I will have to look into when classes start again at UCSB and all that. I dont want to get too behind, but at the same time, I don’t want to get ahead of myself. 

Well things are going pretty good right now, I have more energy that usual. I think I am going to take Starr and Lola for a walk. Thats kind of a big deal… haha. My hair is still holding on! Luckily! I think I already wrote about this, but Dr. Holman said if it has held on this long, he assumes it will stay for the rest of treatment. I really hope that is true because I think loosing it this late in the game would be pretty difficult. Hmm what else, no more excruciating mouth sores, and no more weird bone pain. So I am happy to report a good report! 

P.s. I got Lola and Starr cute matching leopard stockings for x-mas today… cute!

I got my test results back last week, they are bueno! According to Dr. Holman I am reacting well to treatment and everything is going according to ‘plan’. Thats a relief, I was kinda worried. Well I am supper busy with school/internship stuff, so just wanted to report back on the test results…

So tomorrow I have a doctors appointment to go over the results of my pet scan… I’m nervous. I talked to my case manager/nurse today and she said “there was improvement but the doctor will go over the details and plans with you tomorrow.” Ummm but? Thats always nerve-racking. And plans? I thought we had a plan…. So maybe I am just over thinking it. Hopefully. We will see. 

Anyway, its raining outside and thats really good because its been hot and dry. Its a month later and still close to 80… weird. I can’t wait for the weather to change for good, its so fun when it gets cold out. Hmm, what else… I went up to SB this last weekend, it was really nice to be up there and see my bf and bffs. It made me miss normal college life even more! I stopped by my studio (which I am subleasing) and it is tiny but soo cute. One thing I really miss about living on my own is cooking and going food shopping. Not that I dont love my mom’s cooking because its the best, but there is something really satisfying about grocery shopping… I think I am alone on that one most people hate going to the grocery store. 

Speaking of the grocery store some jerk yelled at me at the grocery store today. I was parking in a handicap spot which I must say, is a perk of cancer… But anyways him and is friend were glaring and me and then rudely informed me that I had parked in a handicapped spot, and I just pointed at my tag. Then they said I wasn’t even handicapped and so I said actually I have cancer and I am on chemo fyi and they started laughing and just saying all this mean stuff like ya right, etc. It was so rude. But I guess I can take it as a compliment, kind of, because I apparently look healthy… even though I feel soo tired. Whatever, karma will come back to him. 

Well I will post my results tomorrow. 

emily

Hello everyone, sorry its been a while… Things are going pretty well. I am on my eighth chemo now, so only four to go! Can’t wait until I’m done!! The last one was actually not as bad as the few before. I had it this last friday and I have not gotten very nauseous or sick, just tired, which is pretty standard. My hair is still doing good, I am really hoping it can stick it out for the next two months… That would be really really great. 

I had a PET scan today and it was pretty brutal. It is supposed to check my metabolic cell activity, which I just learned about in biology. Basically, it is the cell life and reproductive activity of my cells. The nurses tried to connect me to an iv three times and kept messing up, it was really bad… You would think after about half a year getting poked and prodded I would be a pro, but definitely not, I still get freaked out at needles. Eww it was really horrible. But eventually they got it to work, then I had to lay there for 45 minutes while the radioactive goo circulated my body.. And then about an hour or so in this scanning machine. Hopefully the scan will report that there is no more cancer cell activity in my body. I have a feeling that it will come back looking good… but still keeping my fingers crossed.

So we have a new presidentee! Finally… Obama, he’s the man. I think his name kinda sounds like broccoli, which I also really like… 

Anyways things are getting normal, its cold and it rained today and was not 90 degrees, starting to feel like fall. This weekend was kinda rough, I felt pretty sick. The nausea comes off and on, but its getting better and luckily (not) I was able to go to school yesterday and feel alright. 

Basically the nausea is the only thing going on right now, my horrible mouth ulcers went away thank god because if they didn’t I don’t know what I would have done. And no more weird unidentifiable bone pain… for now. And its really strange, but it seems like my hair is coming out less than it was a few weeks ago… keeping my fingers crossed on that one… P.s. Lola is getting really big, she is two and a half pounds now. 

xoxo

emily

So its Halloween today. Definitely one of my favorite holidays. I had a midterm this morning then went straight to chemo, super fun. It actually made me pretty sick today, I am not feeling to hot. I think I am going to dress up as a cat and carve pumpkins with my mom and dad and hand out candy. Havent done that for yearss it should be kind of fun. But I am definitely a little jealous of all my friends right now, I really wish I could go out and stuff. At least I won’t be missing out on all the halloween fun.

Last night my mom took Lola and our yellow lab Starr to this costume contest at a pet store I go to in Kensington. Lola was a lobster (sooo cute) and Starr was kitty ballerina. We painted their nails too. I guess Lola almost won, she just barely lost to some dog in a homemade underdog costume. Whatever, Lola was soo much cuter. I will put up some pictures. So haha thats what I do now, put my dog in contests… I’m one of those people now. But how can I not be, I have to share Lola with the world she is so cute! Haha. Ok maybe they gave me too many chemo drugs today. Oh its also my Grandma’s birthday, we stopped by and gave her flowers. Big halloween day! K gotta go get dressed like a chemo kitty.

xoxo

emily